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Wife Swap: Cat and the Cat Cremator

March 5, 2008 09:28:34 by Jennifer_Brown

Cat Noel is a radio shock jock who spends most of her day being sarcastic and funny. Nothing is taboo to the pink-haired mom, and she’s hardly ever serious. Cat is married to her “housewife,” Edward, who does all of the chores around the house, including answering to every whim of Cat’s. In his free time, Edward is a (okay, a pretty amazingly talented) graphic artist, but he’s too busy taking care of Cat, the house, and the couple’s son James to pursue his artistry seriously.

Cat is about to be swapped with Sue Ann McGoldrick, owner of a pet crematorium (insert “dead Cat” jokes here). Sue Ann and her husband, who have raised five children, have one daughter, 17-year old Meghann, at home, but Sue Ann’s husband Tom is too busy working 70-80-hour weeks at the pet cemetery to spend much time with his kiddo. Sue Ann is all about structure — her home is so clean it’s practically sterilized, her daughter is expected to do chores, and the family is very big on sports competition.

It must be an odd situation for Tom McGoldrick, whose “new wife” is only one year older than his oldest child, but, as he puts it, acts more immaturely than Meghann. Right away Cat gets on Tom’s nerves when she tries to add a little levity into the pet crematorium business. “You can’t poke fun at the business,” Tom snaps. After hours, Cat tries to keep up with Sue Ann’s rigorous housecleaning, but doesn’t do well. After attending one of Meghann’s swim meets, she further irritates Tom by suggesting that he’s not in his child’s life enough. “We’re not in it for a popularity contest,” he protests. So Cat turns to Meghann, who gives her tons of attitude about it and denies that there’s anything wrong with their family.

Meanwhile, things aren’t going well at the Noel house, either. Sue Ann hardly loves filling in at Cat’s shock jock job. “This radio station has no class,” she complains. At home she plays baseball with James and has fun. And then when she gets a load of Edward’s drawings, she’s impressed and begins pressing him about getting a job. “I think he’s a very, very sad person inside,” she says.

After a week, the wives get to change the rules on the husbands. “Everything about you is boring,” Cat says to Tom, and then tells him that she’s going to liven up things a bit by forcing him to record a funny radio ad for his business. Furthermore, Cat reveals, there will be a Dad-Daughter Trivia Night, a pool party, and a teen round table to give Dad the 4-1-1 on what life is like for teens these days (I feel an after school special coming on). Then, complaining that Tom’s “communication skills suck,” Cat brings out a giant ear, and instructs that Tom will have to “talk to the ear.”

Sue Ann lays down the law like this: “Real men don’t allow themselves to be treated like doormats.” She tells Edward he’s about to find his inner Alpha-Edward, beginning with getting a job. Furthermore, James will have chores and will join a soccer team.

Not long after the rule change, the claws come out. As Edward claims that he almost always agrees with Cat, Sue Ann blows her top, screaming at Edward to take Cat off her pedestal. “She started having screaming, angry fits that were hallucinatory,” Edward says. “I think he’s weird, and I think he’s selfish, and I think he’s a complete nerd!” Sue Ann retorts. Regardless, Sue Ann loads up Edward and his drawings and forces him to interview for a job at an advertising agency. The agency is impressed with his work, but just as it begins to sound as if they’re going to give him a job…Edward turns petulant, says he can’t do it, and storms out. Instead, a frustrated Sue Ann forces him to take a job as a dishwasher, which makes Edward plenty happy. But later, when the two sit down for more job confrontation er…conversation…Edward gets emotional when he admits that his problem is self-confidence. Sue Ann makes him box up his old problems and bury them in the back yard. Then off to a soccer game for James, who has a ball (insert rim shot here).

Over at the McGoldrick house, Cat is striking out with her funky radio ad (did she really expect Tom to say “kick-ass funerals” on the radio?). Tom refuses to participate, fearing that the stunt will hurt his business. Meghann begs off of the round table, which she thinks is “stupid,” claiming she has too much homework. Even the ear goes, as Tom gets fed up and destroys it. “Shouting obscenities into an ear is about the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of,” he says. But Tom seems to give Cat a listening ear when she talks about his need to open up with his family before it’s too late. He allows Cat to introduce a new service into his pet-burial business — a parade, complete with punch and horns playing When the Saints Go Marching In. Tom actually likes the new service. The McGoldrick’s have Dad-Daughter Trivia Night and it’s obvious that Dad doesn’t really know much about Daughter — Meghann later gets emotional about his lack of knowledge about her life. So the two spend some quality time together, reminiscing over Dad’s old yearbook, and then heading out back for a pool party with Cat.

The two weeks are up and the couples reunite. Sue Ann tells Cat that she thinks the chores Edward is expected to do are “mind-boggling.” She also talks about Edward’s ad agency freak-out. Tom tells Sue Ann about his fun with Meghann and thanks Cat for what she’s done for the family.

Since the Swap, Tom is spending less time at work and more time with the family. Edward is getting more me-time and has sent his comic off to a New York publisher who’s interested in his work. Cat and James are helping out more around the house. Sue Ann reports: “There is not one thing I miss about Edward. Not one.”

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Photo Courtesy: ABC

Topics: Wife Swap |

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